it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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