At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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