I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
