You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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