I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
