I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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