how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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