he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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