Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
