i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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