she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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