im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize