He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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