OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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