I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
