Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
