I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
