that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize