They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
