The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
