Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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