Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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