It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
