the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
