"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
