I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Boobs are out for the taking
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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