Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
