Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i've created a new STD.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
