I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
