70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
