I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she looked like the before picture.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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