If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need a beard to bite.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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