Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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