oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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