he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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