Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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