our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
