What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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