how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
