the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
