dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
