i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
