I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
