Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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