Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
