mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
