i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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