It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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