I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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