Already got asked if we're dating
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
