Pants 0. Shit 1.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
