Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
