I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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