I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
