his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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