I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
