The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize