I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize