He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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