When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
