So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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