That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want her autograph on my taint
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
