I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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