DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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