I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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