i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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