So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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