Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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