Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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