Will you blow on my dice?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
