Just cropdusted the office
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
