He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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