there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize