it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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