ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We talked him into tasing himself.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So vagazzling was a success
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
